Leaving Winter. Welcoming Spring.

This kind of environment hits me at my weakest point. For 6 months I've been here, I have cried 3 times at the train station. Every now and then, I have to face it, and this time the rate is quite rapid.

As a girl who demands an independent at utmost priority, I know I could not rely on others and gegelendotan on everyone.
I can not hold your hand and beg you to stay, because I know people have to move on. Even after sometimes, I have to move on as well. But still I must face empty space and ghost of them. Turn the tv on until I fall asleep to feel less alone. Plug in my iPod and turn on the speaker volume at max. Avoid Symmetry by Mew in order to chase away the mellow girl in me, and tune in to positive vibe of Swing Out Sister instead.

A good friend of mine thinks I am too happy. Too happy to share her gloomy shade. No fella, you are not that right. For sure I want to be happy at all times, but then, I am human with emotions. And that's including the negative one. But yeah, life goes on, and no matter how weak I am tempted by the farewells, I shall continue my step again. Countless I have written in this page, in life people come and go. As I welcome them all smily, I indeed hold back the tears and ready for a new adventure.

Winter might go now. A friend opened his hands wide and shout to the air, "Welcome, Spring!" Though I still feel like winter because of the weather, but I sense that days have been a bit longer.
And I'm pretty sure you stay here longer. Longer that you would know *tap my chest*

"Can you lose your favorite person without losing yourself?" - Stargirl

Change Yourself vs Yourself Changed

The weather here has been quite harsh for me. If it is not really harsh. It was 6 below 0 degrees when I was coming back from Spain. During this month the temperature was uplifted a little to 2 degrees, and I feel warm. Strange. I never knew how I am still survive in this condition.
This brought me to this point of adaptation. Yeah, I know, I've been here for almost 4 months. I always consider the first three months as an adaptation phase, but apparently people always change. So, this adjusting stuff is an on-going process.
What's so good about it? For me, after accepting the condition and smile happily to be where you are, you will turn into a different person. Not a completely 180 degrees revolution, but slightly shifting from who you were before. So, does it make you happy? I can not guarantee that, but certainly the same boredom also could softly kill.
So I started wearing ultra mini short pants while roaming around in the apartment, and I feel happy. This is the skill I learn at this point. Adaptation is not only about changing. It is also about being true to yourself. So, when you succeed, most likely you become the person you want to be, also the person wanted by your surrounding. An equilibrium state whereas everybody is happy.
And should you stop at that stage?
Nothing more fascinated me than the person who never get tired of exploring this world. For sure, I would love to be the one with many possibilities. An alteration? No, it's just me with richer personality.

It feels so good to be reunited with your inner self - as usual my wise ass

Fast Lane

As I always say, time does flies. Deep and heavy sigh. The first part of euro trip has been done, but more to come. The traveling thing was very intense, I hardly cached up my breath. Don’t worry about me, I enjoy traveling at its fullest, and on the contrary I might be sick if I stay too long in a place.

The first four modules have been passed. All the marks and grades have finally arrived and I’m glad I did it well. I could have been trying harder, but let’s just not put too much pressure on my self too, OK? Good. Now we can move on with new things. And surprisedly, I’m a bit clueless about them.

Short course participants have gone, and I still remember clearly how I shed a tear in the train station. New comers appeared with a fresh atmosphere and a bit of curiosity on their faces. I’ve been trying my best to give them the friendly greetings. The lyrics of the Killer’s song stacked in my head “We hope you enjoy your stay. It’s good to have you with us, even it’s just for the day.”

Ah, why does it always be like this? People come and go. Living in a fast lane. How can I hold on to some moments of life? To a wonderful time and beautiful faces?

The Tiger and the Snow

It was late at night, but we decided to go out. It is always great to be outdoor. The white sprinkles from the sky dropped on my head. I know my hair would be damped, but I just could not resist having it in my head. I didn’t know either if I have one or two in my eyelashes, and considered as nice things. The cold breezes blew mildly, but definitely it was still too cold for me. Gladly I wrapped tight by beautiful turquoise winter jacket and this unexplainable happiness wrapped my heart warmly.

It was good that I have waterproof shoes so I can step on the snow. The piled snow wasn’t too high, but still you could not trace my tracks. We goofed around like penguins. I stepped heavily on the snow to hear the sound which I love so much, crack crack crack. I can hear it clearly, but I feel like... flying.

winter came by my bedroom today

falling in rows and covering the lane

morning shone on my windows today

passing the time I slumber away

to kill all the day

someone came by my bedroom today

swaying around, then silently away

someone left home and my bedroom today

left by the time I slumbered away

to kill all the day

In The Afternoon – the Cardigans

Snow makes the winter worth living – a bestfriend, Q.