On Packing

Enschede, sometimes in early March.

This morning I went up to my room and empty my fridge. Found a cup of straciatella yoghurt and decided to keep it for the night. It is expired though, but as usual I don't care. Yoghurt is rotten milk anyway. Last night I packed up all the things and gave away things to everybody. It is always nice to see our stuffs become useful for someone else. I did a magic call for a friend. It turned out he was very happy for inheriting old school testament, free food, free party stuffs, and the most important is stack of origami papers. We wrapped up things with beers and chips and south East Asian little party.

The first round of packing was done.

Today I woke up in a not-so-strange room and had trouble finding my toiletries in too many cardboard boxes around me. I went to university feeling a lot sleepy, but by five managed to finish the tasks for today. Then I wrapped up things and go home, had too-sweet fried noodle and immediately fell asleep.

Looking all around me, every where are cardboard boxes and semi-packed stuffs. My room mate had a terrible hang over from last night and the smooth snore is all over the room.

I have so many stuffs and looking at the two big overloaded trash bag, I can not believe how many craps and useless things I've been keeping in my room all this time. Shoe boxes, plastic forks, water bottles, shirt I never dare to wear, two size bigger pants, paper, paper, and more papers. I feel uneasy throwing them, but once I decided to get them into the trash bag, they disappear from my life. I feel relieved. 

Maybe my life is similarly like that. I have too many junks crowded in. And most of the time I wish that I can easily throw them in a trash bag. Because I believe I’m better if I focus on goals and important issues. But oh how I often curse my complicated mind. And how I wish now to efficiently packing my self.

Go away bad things. Shooh shooh.

So ugly without thoughts

In the background: How soon is now?

The clock is ticking, very fast I must say. And here I am, stopping everything. Every work, conversation, just me and my thoughts. And the Smiths of course.

It is so hard to work my ass off this day. I try to do this, it didn’t work. Try other way, same thing happened. Take a break in order to get enlightment, then the guilty feelinfg crept in and I drag my ass off to work again. I might as well enjoy a cup of hot chocolate and baileys.

I could not write or post picture everywhere, I just can’t. And this blog lay out turned out to be so ugly. Watjefuk.

So the Smiths to the rescue enjoy this video:

All of these things that I've done

Today is a koopzondag day. That means shops, open at this first Monday at the month. Although not of all of them, Asian store refuses to participate in this event although I bet Chinesse store would like to do more. Since I need to buy a birthday present for a friend, I took as an excuse to stroll around.

The chill weather is running back, but the sun is shining. First stop is to buy a top-up credit for my friend somewhere in her origin country. I don’t know what her plan is, but let’s stop asking questions and just act. Next stop is a window shopping at Body shop where I usually feel like home and broke all at once. After that HEMA, for a very special smell and a one-stop-shopping place. And then walk around again to find earmuffs for my friend’s winter supplies. Unluckily, didn’t find one. Well, we found one, very fluffy and in pink color. He dislikes it, for sure. We wondered, earmuffs are one of the essential things, why don’t they just sell it everywhere, even in a supermarket? Drop at my favorite naturalist shop where we impulsively bought glycerine hand cream. Walk again, and smell the coffee. Ok, let’s sit under the sun and take a sip. Ouwh, first, let’s hit the bookstore. Spent too much time at the place as usual. I got a book and he got an interesting desktop table-tennis set. Had some snacks then relaxing at the café. Ordered coffee and revealed some of the fieldwork stories. The tiny cups of espresso arrived. Whopsie, not that one. I mean the warm big cups, so we ordered macchiato latte. Spent more time for more stories then walked home in a windy afternoon. Amused my self with the world web and tv. Cooked tasteless dinner but be happy with it anyway, after all the nutrition that counts.

All the store that I passed. All the meaningless stuffs that I bought. All the various drinks that I gulped. All the food that I indulge.

All these things that I've done. Just to let hours, days, weeks and month pass by, to be next to you.

Hold on baby, hold on.

…

When there's nowhere else to run / Is there room for one more son / One more son / If you can hold on, hold on

…

All the Things that I’ve Done- the Killers

The weather man

wet wet wet is in the town. not the music group with sexy long-hair vocalist, mind you. literally watery wet.
this afternoon at the elevator i met one of my colleagues. she always dress nicely, very much girly. i think she's somewhat a fashionholic. today, she's wearing white sleeveless t-shirt with embroidery on it, a pedal pusher denim trousers and a beautiful strappy sandals. i really wish i wore those sandals. the sun was shining when we did a check on termostat.
19!
she wished she saw at least 24.
i laughed. i don't trust the sunshine anymore, said i. i mean, i'm glad when it is warm and sun shiny, and i always make a good use of it. but i don't expect them to stay longer.
i take a look at my self at the mirror. i was tempted to wear a short skirt but recently i don't pay much attention to the outfit. so, white cross t-shirt, bell bottom pair of jeans and teva's pair. that's it. and choose a jacket according to the mood.
and here i am now, at the end of the day, when suddenly the rain was pouring heavily.

ouw wow. sometimes i am glad that i am more into comfortable things than a glittery look. and this is also the same case with people.

ok, guys. gotta go back to the work. gotta stop blogging for a while. even more when this blog turns to be a weather report rather than a documentation of a college student life.
maybe i should get a life.

So I'm listening for the weather to predict the coming day
Leave all thought of expectation to the weather man
No it doesn't really matter what it is he has to say
'Cause tomorrows keep on blowing in from somewhere
…
Listening to ther weather – Bic Runga

Random notes on a rainy day

The cyan swim suit will be taken of off the shelves and have fun. With me of course. And my beer belly. | I have over the winter fling, and the remaining is only a bit of our sweet time. The rest is history. | This morning bread and butter breakfast tasted oh so good, I think they are mean to be for each other. | When I saw the picture of my favorite place on earth, posted on her blog, I was like… wow, amazing! So, what the hell am I doing here, when I have lived in the spotlight of beauty? | The clouds now are chasing each other and marching to the north. What’s in there? If I could just ride on them and see it for my self. | The sky is blue and I know what I want to do. Pampering my self with olive body butter and straciatella yoghurt. One for my tanning arms and one for my light mind. | Meanwhile now, I and my babe are doing the daydreaming. About our summer in Adriatic sea, where we sip our Prosseco, reply those guys who shout “Ciao, bella” with smiles, and capture ourselves in exotic pose. | Ah, I love those big eyes and fairly white skin! | When it was raining outside, I sat up on my bed and popped the question: what’s the best thing to do when it the rain is falling heavily outside? You might answer “running around in the rain.” The answer flashed in my mind, “No, holding you.” But I keep quiet.|

Rainfall spatial variability is often ignored, also is highly locally variable, storm fronts moving over an area - Process Modelling lecture notes

So, have faith that it will pass on, baby :)

Positive side of a torture

Terbitkan Entri

I yawned and yawned to resist from getting back to sleep. Okay, in the next one hour I have to find a way to get this bundle of stuff inside my head. Exhausted, I sat on the edge of my bed, gave my self a pampering 5 minutes to saturate everything.

An unexpected phonecall distracted me a little, but its morning greetings and the best of luck has magically recharged my energy to a higher level. All the way from home to the exam room, I was all smily.

They said it’s gonna be a black Monday. I found my self wearing turqoise blue, and only some people wore black outfit. So, apparently it’s not that black.

Melanie to Hung: “Hung, take off your jacket, and have an orange Monday.”

I cracked my self hard. Gustavo, who sit next to me, smiled and said, “You look very relax.”

I smiled back, “When it comes to an exam, first thing you have to do is have faith and be confidence. The next thing is laugh as much as you can.”

He nodded, couldn’t agree more, probably that’s what he mean.

3 hours of endurance and critical analysis, I’ve never seen my self as focus as that. I could feel something inside my head crumpled and that sounds like Apple Crumble tart which tasted so good.

At 12 that a gorgeous guy asked me, “How was that?”

“That was fun.”

Sure, being asked by a gorgeous guy, what else could I say except something good and positive?

Multi Temporal Analysis

I’m trying hard not to count the days. They decrease in correspondence to time. Gees. *put the hands inside pockets*

It is funny how we use time to measure moment. On what scale should we weight them? Hmm, let’s say, from October till February, it’s been 5 months of closeness. Do you consider it as long? I’ve had a serious relationship for more than striking 5 years, would you dare to compare? What about the intention of one one-night-stand? A night that leaves stain in your memories, not only for the occurring time, but forever.

Quoting from Star Trek, even forever could be only an extent of a blink of eyes.

Are there any other parameters to scale the moment? Could it be the moment itself?

Let’s give moderate rank for badminton and ice skating session. Probably also for a walk in the park and christmas present hunting. Hmm, swimming has always been my favorite activity, so let’s give it slightly a higher scale, and a more less when it turned down. A cheap talk at the end of the lunch break deserves the same. On the contrary, bicycling time with a boom box gets a good rank but nothing more. So, where does the Oscar go to?

*drum rolls*

I suppose we hand it to countless cups of tea at the edge of the night.

Surprisingly, the happiness crawls in when we do… nothing.

Instead of using time, activity, and cost to measure this, why don’t we use contentment, breath-taking scenes and simply companion?

An alternative way to model temporal analysis - waeeeeeeeeee.... :P

Change Yourself vs Yourself Changed

The weather here has been quite harsh for me. If it is not really harsh. It was 6 below 0 degrees when I was coming back from Spain. During this month the temperature was uplifted a little to 2 degrees, and I feel warm. Strange. I never knew how I am still survive in this condition.
This brought me to this point of adaptation. Yeah, I know, I've been here for almost 4 months. I always consider the first three months as an adaptation phase, but apparently people always change. So, this adjusting stuff is an on-going process.
What's so good about it? For me, after accepting the condition and smile happily to be where you are, you will turn into a different person. Not a completely 180 degrees revolution, but slightly shifting from who you were before. So, does it make you happy? I can not guarantee that, but certainly the same boredom also could softly kill.
So I started wearing ultra mini short pants while roaming around in the apartment, and I feel happy. This is the skill I learn at this point. Adaptation is not only about changing. It is also about being true to yourself. So, when you succeed, most likely you become the person you want to be, also the person wanted by your surrounding. An equilibrium state whereas everybody is happy.
And should you stop at that stage?
Nothing more fascinated me than the person who never get tired of exploring this world. For sure, I would love to be the one with many possibilities. An alteration? No, it's just me with richer personality.

It feels so good to be reunited with your inner self - as usual my wise ass

Fast Lane

As I always say, time does flies. Deep and heavy sigh. The first part of euro trip has been done, but more to come. The traveling thing was very intense, I hardly cached up my breath. Don’t worry about me, I enjoy traveling at its fullest, and on the contrary I might be sick if I stay too long in a place.

The first four modules have been passed. All the marks and grades have finally arrived and I’m glad I did it well. I could have been trying harder, but let’s just not put too much pressure on my self too, OK? Good. Now we can move on with new things. And surprisedly, I’m a bit clueless about them.

Short course participants have gone, and I still remember clearly how I shed a tear in the train station. New comers appeared with a fresh atmosphere and a bit of curiosity on their faces. I’ve been trying my best to give them the friendly greetings. The lyrics of the Killer’s song stacked in my head “We hope you enjoy your stay. It’s good to have you with us, even it’s just for the day.”

Ah, why does it always be like this? People come and go. Living in a fast lane. How can I hold on to some moments of life? To a wonderful time and beautiful faces?

Move Your Feet

Days have been flying recently. From GIS exam, Group Application Project until the result came out. From Sushi at Rotterdam, Vermeer in Delft until Batavia Werf in Lelystad. From spicy Tom Yam soup, brocoli with curry sauce, crunchy tempura wanna-be until delicious stuffed peppers. From overwhelmed ice skating, meditative swimming and competitive badminton. Not too mention the most favorite ride, bicycling here and there and everywhere.

I can not believe, it is almot three months. But the sympthoms thas has been happening to me are quite clear. I begin to miss everything that’s not here. Not every single thing, but each of them stroked me a bit hard. Stephen Chow movie accompanied by my brother or the way my father adjust his glasses. The sound of music box from my mother’s powder container and the sincere smile from my auntie’s face. I missed to may birthday, but I managed to join the wine surprise party with only voices.

The most pain-stakingly part in the heart was reading a touchy notes from a dear best friend. Everything seems so sweet, and I want to gulp them again like a cup of tea we used to have. At the same time, it tasted bitter, it probably quite a while until our next adventure together. Our dreams about riding miyo around java islands collide with the scene where we sit side by side on the airplane, which flies over this continent.

Well, apart from all the good things here, I decided to take a break. Of course the journey will be different without my best traveling buddy. I’m quite sure the ghost of her will be my my side, although she’s never been to Europe before.

Anyhow, I have to step my feet. Nowadays, it’s me who shout the command, not you or anybody else. Not even life stages.

The Tiger and the Snow

It was late at night, but we decided to go out. It is always great to be outdoor. The white sprinkles from the sky dropped on my head. I know my hair would be damped, but I just could not resist having it in my head. I didn’t know either if I have one or two in my eyelashes, and considered as nice things. The cold breezes blew mildly, but definitely it was still too cold for me. Gladly I wrapped tight by beautiful turquoise winter jacket and this unexplainable happiness wrapped my heart warmly.

It was good that I have waterproof shoes so I can step on the snow. The piled snow wasn’t too high, but still you could not trace my tracks. We goofed around like penguins. I stepped heavily on the snow to hear the sound which I love so much, crack crack crack. I can hear it clearly, but I feel like... flying.

winter came by my bedroom today

falling in rows and covering the lane

morning shone on my windows today

passing the time I slumber away

to kill all the day

someone came by my bedroom today

swaying around, then silently away

someone left home and my bedroom today

left by the time I slumbered away

to kill all the day

In The Afternoon – the Cardigans

Snow makes the winter worth living – a bestfriend, Q.

Cloudy Sky

In the afternoon I walked alone to the university and feel the breezy drizzling raindrops on my lips. It tasted, plain. My new pair of brown boots surely a waterproof, so I keep on walking anyway. It’s been extremely gloomy since this morning. I try to imagine my favorite Banda purplish sky but I guess it is not wise to compare one place to another. Nothing can replace what I miss, but nothing I can do anyway. In life, so many things come and go, sometimes it’s hard to hold on to some moments. I close my eyes and imagine that someday this will be the thing I miss. Crazy cloudy sky, I feel like an actress playing in a horror movie. I never felt like that before. Most of the time, I naively act as a teenage high school girl in her imaginative world. The girl who is freak, curious, sharp but in the same time very poetic. Sometimes she walks alone and pampers herself with her me-time. Sometimes she is just one of the crowds and satisfies to feel the friend inside her. But most of the time, she’s in love. Cheesy spontaneous love.

I'd catch some stars for you, and just for you
I'd paint the grey sky blue, and just for you
so don't tell me you want the rain, from a cloudy sky
to wash away the pain, that I've given you again
I've always tried to find, what satisfies your mind
but I will never know, where you are to go
but I want you to know, do you want a golden ring
I would buy you anything.

Cloudy Sky – The Cardigans

Bloody Blah Blah Blah

We have been struggling with the book. Actually, the content in it. I was up until 4 last night, tried hard to get everything into my head. Reading and learning are fun in someway, but understand things and stuff them inside your brain is another thing. We invented the terms bloody and virus and all the nasty things just to cheer us up, but still, this is something we have to go through.

It’s been years. And I remember so well those kinds of days. The sleepless nights and hopeless sight from my eyes. The way I prepared my best pen along with my must-have mechanical pencil. And after the day, I went home in the sleepiest manner one could ever have, and had my most peaceful sleep. The next day I could paint a smile in my face.

In here, I am expecting something else.

A bottle, chips and you as a beer bud.

We will survive, believe me.

And in my mind I can picture something like this after I handed in the answer sheet “That was fun!”