Positive side of a torture

Terbitkan Entri

I yawned and yawned to resist from getting back to sleep. Okay, in the next one hour I have to find a way to get this bundle of stuff inside my head. Exhausted, I sat on the edge of my bed, gave my self a pampering 5 minutes to saturate everything.

An unexpected phonecall distracted me a little, but its morning greetings and the best of luck has magically recharged my energy to a higher level. All the way from home to the exam room, I was all smily.

They said it’s gonna be a black Monday. I found my self wearing turqoise blue, and only some people wore black outfit. So, apparently it’s not that black.

Melanie to Hung: “Hung, take off your jacket, and have an orange Monday.”

I cracked my self hard. Gustavo, who sit next to me, smiled and said, “You look very relax.”

I smiled back, “When it comes to an exam, first thing you have to do is have faith and be confidence. The next thing is laugh as much as you can.”

He nodded, couldn’t agree more, probably that’s what he mean.

3 hours of endurance and critical analysis, I’ve never seen my self as focus as that. I could feel something inside my head crumpled and that sounds like Apple Crumble tart which tasted so good.

At 12 that a gorgeous guy asked me, “How was that?”

“That was fun.”

Sure, being asked by a gorgeous guy, what else could I say except something good and positive?

Multi Temporal Analysis

I’m trying hard not to count the days. They decrease in correspondence to time. Gees. *put the hands inside pockets*

It is funny how we use time to measure moment. On what scale should we weight them? Hmm, let’s say, from October till February, it’s been 5 months of closeness. Do you consider it as long? I’ve had a serious relationship for more than striking 5 years, would you dare to compare? What about the intention of one one-night-stand? A night that leaves stain in your memories, not only for the occurring time, but forever.

Quoting from Star Trek, even forever could be only an extent of a blink of eyes.

Are there any other parameters to scale the moment? Could it be the moment itself?

Let’s give moderate rank for badminton and ice skating session. Probably also for a walk in the park and christmas present hunting. Hmm, swimming has always been my favorite activity, so let’s give it slightly a higher scale, and a more less when it turned down. A cheap talk at the end of the lunch break deserves the same. On the contrary, bicycling time with a boom box gets a good rank but nothing more. So, where does the Oscar go to?

*drum rolls*

I suppose we hand it to countless cups of tea at the edge of the night.

Surprisingly, the happiness crawls in when we do… nothing.

Instead of using time, activity, and cost to measure this, why don’t we use contentment, breath-taking scenes and simply companion?

An alternative way to model temporal analysis - waeeeeeeeeee.... :P

Change Yourself vs Yourself Changed

The weather here has been quite harsh for me. If it is not really harsh. It was 6 below 0 degrees when I was coming back from Spain. During this month the temperature was uplifted a little to 2 degrees, and I feel warm. Strange. I never knew how I am still survive in this condition.
This brought me to this point of adaptation. Yeah, I know, I've been here for almost 4 months. I always consider the first three months as an adaptation phase, but apparently people always change. So, this adjusting stuff is an on-going process.
What's so good about it? For me, after accepting the condition and smile happily to be where you are, you will turn into a different person. Not a completely 180 degrees revolution, but slightly shifting from who you were before. So, does it make you happy? I can not guarantee that, but certainly the same boredom also could softly kill.
So I started wearing ultra mini short pants while roaming around in the apartment, and I feel happy. This is the skill I learn at this point. Adaptation is not only about changing. It is also about being true to yourself. So, when you succeed, most likely you become the person you want to be, also the person wanted by your surrounding. An equilibrium state whereas everybody is happy.
And should you stop at that stage?
Nothing more fascinated me than the person who never get tired of exploring this world. For sure, I would love to be the one with many possibilities. An alteration? No, it's just me with richer personality.

It feels so good to be reunited with your inner self - as usual my wise ass

Last checked on the week

I’ve just completed a week with a one day trip to the capital, a sleepover friend, a party filled up with sweethearts and a hearty lunch. The train ride is always a good way to pull my self together again. I have had a headache for few days, and it has completely gone by the time train teleport my body. Guess, I need something other than this city. Or just a plain hours of completely nothing but movement of time and space.

Back at home, to wrap up the week, I checked e-mails and yes, expected e-mails with pictures of me smiling cutishly wide attached has just arrived. Another check on dear friends who are struggling with the deadline of their thesis submission. Glad, everything is going well and surprisingly well arranged. Another checked on dear friends in neighbouring cities and countries, and they are having their time of their life now. Last check on me, I feel happy but a bit lonely.

*deep sigh*

For a girl who demands independency at utmost priority, I failed most of the times like this.

A good buddy is somebody you find in your self – my wisdom ass

Instant Happiness

Ok, confession. Yesterday I was completely drunk. And it feels… horrible.

Yuck.

Ok, another confession, I’m a newcomer in this business. How can I say, I love them when we were together for only a year? Probably it is too early to judge things.

Ok, another confession, I was stupid enough to force my self to help a friend in his thesis and play badminton while I was drunk. Nothing good came out of it, for sure.

So, after the badminton session I sat quietly on the bench and gaze into the wire fence field boundary.

“What is it?”

“Nothing,” I stared at him a little then continue gazing at the wires.

“What is it?”

“Nothing.”

Nothing. I feel empty. Betrayad. I wanted to be alone.

I’ve been a truly big fan because they gave me such a boost of energy on weekends. Enough energy to feel instant happiness and dance around all night. And after that the exhausting feeling put me into a deep sleep and take away the guilty feeling of waking up late in the next morning. And this time they just sucked away my energy and gave a terrible headache all day. What a big liar.

I shrugged. Okay, I will take this as a time to stop a while. Sometimes in life, you just have to do that. Catch a breath, hold my self not to jump into experiences and just observe more. I want happiness, infinitely and eternally, not a fake instant one in a price of six packs.

Guess I will just stay away from things like this.

At least, until the weekend comes ;)

Happiness comes from the heart. And it is priceless - my own wisdom ass